I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
