you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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