i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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