that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
