She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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