I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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