The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
