my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
