I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize