UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
