My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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