At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
