i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
