I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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