last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
