Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
