He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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