I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
