So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
