I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
