dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
