A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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