That's when you crack a 10am beer
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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