You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
