I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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