Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
