Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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