so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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