Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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