At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
