I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
