so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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