I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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