Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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