He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
