david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
