there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
