wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
