Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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