i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
