all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
