sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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