i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
