I wish I only lived at night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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