Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
