It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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