it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
