its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize