I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
