sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize