I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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