we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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