oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
