he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
