I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
