I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
