You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
