Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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