i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
