wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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