I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
