Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
