I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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