your thong is hanging out like whoa
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When did angry sex become our thing?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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