OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
