Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
