we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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