STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
how drunk are you?
Several
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
